Here's the first submission. Enjoy!

 

Mr. McCurty’s Fantastic Life

by Jack Grimmlaw

“Oh. My. Gosh! BARRY!”

Barry rolled his eyes. He already had a migraine from being in warp speed too long. And then, as soon as they exit, his wife lays into him. How does she even know what’s going on? Even without a migraine he needs five minutes for his eyes to focus. He rolled his head left and saw a big, blue blur.

Brother. I guess I did take a wrong turn at the Albuquerque Space Center.

“I told you to take a left turn at Albuquerque! Quit playing that stupid Words With Friends game while you’re flying!”

“Well, dear, it doesn’t look that bad. It looks serene.”

“Are you kidding me? Do you see a mall on that moon base? I bet that planet doesn’t even have a day spa. How much fuel did we spend? Well there goes our entire vacation. The planet is blue. Blue! What is that? Methane? Argon? Will I have to wear my oxygen tank the entire week? Have you figured out the name of it yet? Well don’t look at me, look at your computer thingy. Oh my gosh! Do you have another migraine? Did you take your Dramamine? You always take it too late. Every trip I say ‘Take your Dramamine while we’re at the space center’. Every. Single. Time. Well, what are you looking at? If you’re not going to answer at least get your computer thingy going and figure out where we’re at.”

Barry had stopped listening at Argon. He zoned out but had learned over time to zone back in when her lips stopped moving. He wasn’t sure what she had been talking about but he figured maybe he could at least look at the star system data and figure out what planet they were at. Man, why did he have such a migraine? He should have taken his Dramamine. She had told him to take it but he was trying to figure out how to play off that ‘u’. If he could just think of a five letter word that starts with ‘u’ and ends with ‘q’. He remembered seeing it somewhere, but what was it?

Ah, there we go. They were in the Pordieau star system. In fact, Predu, the only habitable planet is nicknamed the Blue Marble. Heavy on argon, but still breathable to Humans, Mortins, and Feritau. Inhabitable for Erins and Grottons. Good, he thought, I can’t stand Grottons. They monopolize the conversation and they have way too much hair and shed like every day is molting season.

“Hey, look at that,” he said out loud absent-mindedly. He didn’t really mean to talk out loud. Talking out loud would get her going again.

“Oh, you’re going to make the best of the situation? Are you kidding me? If we have to land on that moon base and then take a commuter shuttle to a port and wait in line and get a vaccine I am going to SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM!”

“You just did.”

“BARRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!”

“Yes?”

“Just tell me! What? What? What do you want me to look at?”

“Well, it’s nothing you’d be interested in but—“

“Lovely.”

“—but they have a Mediterranean spa. In fact, a quarter of the planet are Earth expats who migrated here after the Grotton war. In fact, the capital city Prin in the country of Pyrth sits on the Salt Water Sea equal in salt content to Earth’s Dead Sea. It says ‘You will never want to leave this beautiful city when you feel your luscious, soft skin after one treatment with our fine mineral salts.’”

“Yeah, well, but do I have to wear a mask? That’s not very enjoyable.”

“No. In fact, the argon level is low enough for us but too much for grottons.”

“Really? Okay, I’ll give you that.”

“In fact, because I’m an ambassador to Fike, who introduced the tourism industry to Predu, I get five star upgrades! Can you believe that? I’ve never heard of this planet. Why haven’t I ever heard of this planet?”

“I’m not even going to answer that.”

“But we still have to land on the moon base.”

“I knew it.”

“But we get to ride in the emissary’s shuttle! And Bre Tarten is scheduled to be on the five o’clock flight!”

“Oh you’re lying to me. Why would Bre Tarten come to a place with a moon base that looks like that? They couldn’t have created an atmosphere by now?”

“Well maybe the antiquated look is their atmosphere.”

“Brother.”

“Well, still, Bre Tarten. Maybe you can get his autograph.”

“Oh, he won’t even talk to us.”

“Well, I am an ambassador. Despite what your father says, it does carry clout.”

“Yeah, on Predu.”

“Well if Bre Tarten is here, maybe there are other famous people here. You gotta give me something. I’ve already been upgraded.”

His wife sat looking at the big, blue marble. She was quiet. How about that? Barry didn’t dare say anything or make any unusual movements. He continued to pretend to read the monitor. He enjoyed the silence.

The coordinates came in for the assigned port and he quietly adjusted the flight controls to take them there. He uploaded their file and passport info. After a few minutes the silence was broken by a communication signal.

“Mr. McCurty?”

“Yes.”

“If your calendar is free, Mr. Bre Tarten has invited you and your wife to a private party tonight. Will you accept?”

Barry looked at this wife. She was fanatically signaling ‘yes!’

“Yes, it appears our calendar is free.”

“I will let him know. We don’t receive royalty that often out here on Predu.”

He looked at his wife. She was mouthing ‘royalty’. She was very excited.

“I look forward to meeting you.”

“Thank you, Mr. McCurty. Please accept the new coordinates to dock at the Umiaq port. We will greet you soon. Transmission out.”

Umiaq! That’s the word! I love this place!

“You always pick the best spots!”

“Thank you, love.”